


Harry is Raised by Stubby Boardman

by DilynAliceBlake



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, the ministry is full of idiots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:27:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24411301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DilynAliceBlake/pseuds/DilynAliceBlake
Summary: James Potter perhaps should have made sure there weren't any Squibs in the Black Family before listing their firstborn son as his own son's godfather.  Then again, without enough magic to show up on the family tapestry, how would he have known Sirius had a twin?They say write what you want to read and I wanted to read a story where Xenophilius wasn't quite as off-the-mark in his theory as he could have been.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

Micheal Tanner, stage alias Stubby Boardman, doesn't know how he ended up guardian of a baby. He lives in his touring van, for christsakes. Except the kid popped up- quite literally _popped into existence, ta_ with some paperwork labelled Ministry of Magic, and thank god he wasn't on stage at the time. Maybe wizards don't do home inspections when assigning magic babies. 

His mom always said that one day he'd end up with a kid if he wasn't careful. He isn't sure this is what she meant.


	2. Chapter 2

He figures it's a mistake, and any day now some blokes in wizard robes are gonna show up and he'll forget the whole thing. Surely the tyke (Harry Potter) belongs with magic folk. There's no way these guys go around giving magic babies to normal people on purpose. They wouldn't have stayed hidden a week.

The really interesting part is that on the paperwork the guardian name listed is Eridanus Black. (He'd like to thank his adoptive parents for not hating him that much.)


	3. Chapter 3

When a month passes and no one shows up, he reckons he's probably in it for the long haul (and attached to the blighter, too) so he finishes his tour and shows up at his mum's with Harry in his new stroller.

Best they can figure, his own birth parents were wizards, and when he wasn't they dropped him in the muggle world. (They didn't- they banished him. But banished living things go  _ somewhere _ , and in this case  _ somewhere  _ was a conveniently placed cruise ship in the middle of the baltic sea.)


	4. Chapter 4

So Harry grows up playing with his accidental father's instruments and baking with his Nan. When Stubby gets a letter via  _ owl _ about potions and check-up appointments, he doesn't know how to find St. Mungo's Wizarding Hospital. He sends a response claiming that he can't make it in, and asking them to deliver the potions by owl for him to administer. The doctors practically fall over themselves in their reply, using phrases like "defeat of you-know-who," "savior," and "boy-who-lived."

_ That's _ a whole can of worms he isn't capable of looking into, so he worries about what he can affect; making Harry drink from vials labelled 'Dragon Pox' and 'Invisible Flu' between scheduling him for an eye exam and swimming lessons.


	5. Chapter 5

Harry doesn't grow up in the infamy of his title as defeater of the dark lord- Not that he's opposed to taking down murderous cult leaders, generally speaking, but he's a bit young to be the one with the credit just because he survived. 

It's more than a little strange for someone who grew up as "The Boardman Baby."  The first time someone ever asks him for an autograph, he tells them he doesn't carry his dad's merchandise around. It confuses the person who asked enough that even once he realizes that somehow here  _ he's  _ the famous one, Harry keeps it up.


	6. Chapter 6

Harry and Hermione become friends when a second year Hufflepuff comes down with invisible flu, and Harry finds out that no one tells the muggleborns they need vaccinations.

There's an inflamed rant about the toll missing more school takes on their education, and the fact that any discrepancies in O.W.L. and N.E.W.T. results between muggleborns and purebloods is probably caused not only by the cultural immersion giving the purebloods a head start, but all the time muggleborns spend in the infirmary during the first years of their schooling when theory is being taught and cemented.

"Immune system exhaustion or magical maladies themselves could be the root cause between the twenty year difference in average life expectancy muggleborns face!"

He's venting in the common room, and most students look annoyed that he's interrupting their evening, but Hermione is taking notes.

They distribute informational pamphlets to every student they can get to take one, and the "by Harry Potter and Hermione Granger" scrawled across the work nets it a two page spread in the daily prophet, so it's probably for the best Hermione was so insistent about citing sources.


	7. Chapter 7

Purebloods are enraged at the aspersions cast on their innate superiority, and muggle parents are in arms over the disadvantage and health risks their children are facing.

Hermione is pleased to be making a name for herself as a reputable researcher already.

"Published at twelve, can you imagine the advantage that will give my future ministry career? And we're making a real difference!"

Well, the muggleborns get vaccinated, that's true, and it was all Harry cared about anyway. Buying the potions for the ones who can't afford them seems like sensible basic decency to Harry, what with the ridiculous inheritence he has gathering dust since  _ his dad is Stubby Boardman. _

Of course, someone in St. Mungos leaks the details of his order to the paper, and Harry is once again thankful paparazi aren't allowed on school grounds, because he has accidentally netted himself a reputation as continuing savior of the people.

At least he got a best friend out of it.


End file.
